Changing Unwanted Emotions Using DBT
Strong emotions can sometimes feel overwhelming, confusing, or out of control. You might notice emotions showing up more intensely than you want, lasting longer than expected, or leading to reactions you later regret. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers practical, evidence-based tools to help people change unwanted emotions—not by suppressing them, but by understanding and working with them skillfully.
DBT recognizes that emotions are meaningful and adaptive, while also teaching ways to reduce emotional suffering when emotions become unhelpful or harmful.
What Does DBT Mean by “Changing Unwanted Emotions”?
In DBT, changing unwanted emotions does not mean eliminating feelings or judging yourself for having them. Instead, it means:
Reducing the intensity of painful emotions
Shortening how long emotions last
Preventing emotions from leading to impulsive or destructive behaviors
DBT emotion regulation skills help you influence emotions when they are not fitting the facts, are too intense, or are getting in the way of living according to your values.
Understanding Emotions First
Before emotions can change, they need to be understood. DBT teaches that emotions are influenced by:
Biological sensitivity
Past experiences and learning history
Current stressors
Thoughts, interpretations, and behaviors
Unwanted emotions often make sense in context—even when they feel overwhelming. Recognizing this reduces shame and opens the door to change.
Key DBT Skills for Changing Unwanted Emotions
1. Check the Facts
Sometimes emotions are fueled by assumptions or interpretations rather than what is actually happening. Checking the facts involves slowing down and asking:
What exactly happened?
What am I assuming or interpreting?
Does this emotion fit the facts of the situation?
When emotions are based on inaccurate beliefs, checking the facts can naturally reduce their intensity.
2. Opposite Action
Opposite action is one of the most powerful DBT skills for changing emotions. When an emotion does not fit the facts or is acting against your long-term goals, DBT encourages acting opposite to the emotion’s urge.
Examples include:
Approaching instead of avoiding when fear is unjustified
Engaging socially when sadness urges isolation
Responding kindly instead of attacking when anger is excessive
Over time, opposite action can significantly shift emotional patterns.
3. Problem Solving
When emotions do fit the facts, the goal is often to change the situation rather than the emotion itself. Problem-solving involves identifying what can be changed and taking effective action.
This may include:
Setting boundaries
Asking for support
Making practical changes to reduce stressors
4. Reducing Emotional Vulnerability (PLEASE Skills)
DBT emphasizes caring for the body as a foundation for emotional regulation. The PLEASE skills focus on:
Treating physical illness
Balanced eating
Avoiding mood-altering substances
Balanced sleep
Exercise
When the body is depleted, emotions become harder to manage.
5. Building Positive Emotional Experiences
Changing unwanted emotions also involves increasing positive emotions over time. DBT encourages intentionally building experiences that create pleasure, meaning, and mastery.
This includes:
Scheduling enjoyable activities
Working toward meaningful goals
Noticing positive moments, even small ones
Why These Skills Work
DBT skills work because emotions are shaped by thoughts, behaviors, body states, and environment. By intervening at multiple points, DBT helps emotions shift naturally rather than through force or suppression.
These skills support nervous system regulation, reduce emotional reactivity, and increase a sense of agency.
When Changing Emotions Feels Impossible
If emotions feel uncontrollable despite trying skills, this does not mean you are failing. It may indicate:
High emotional sensitivity
Trauma-related emotional patterns
A need for more support or structure
Working with a DBT-informed or trauma-informed therapist can help personalize these skills and address underlying emotional wounds.
Final Thoughts
Emotions are not problems to eliminate—they are signals to understand. DBT offers a compassionate framework for changing unwanted emotions while honoring their purpose.
With practice, support, and patience, it is possible to experience emotions as informative rather than overwhelming—and to respond to them in ways that align with your values and well-being.