Perinatal Loss and Healing
Perinatal loss is a uniquely devastating experience and is one of the most deeply painful experiences a family can experience. The loss of a pregnancy or baby—whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal loss, or early infant death—can shatter a sense of safety, identity, and future all at once. For many, this grief unfolds quietly, without the recognition or support it deserves.
What Is Perinatal Loss?
Perinatal loss refers to the death of a baby during pregnancy or shortly after birth. This includes miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, and neonatal or early infant loss. While these experiences differ medically, they are often united by profound emotional, relational, and existential grief.
Perinatal loss is not only the loss of a baby—it is often the loss of imagined futures, anticipated roles, bodily trust, and a sense of continuity in life.
Why Perinatal Loss Can Feel So Overwhelming
Perinatal grief is frequently disenfranchised, meaning it is not always fully acknowledged or supported by society. Parents may hear minimizing comments or feel pressure to “move on,” even while their world has fundamentally changed.
This type of loss can be especially painful because:
The bond with the baby often formed before others could witness it
There may be little tangible memory-making or ritual
The body itself holds reminders of the loss
Grief may coexist with trauma, shock, or fear
Partners may grieve differently, leading to isolation
Grief after perinatal loss often comes in waves and can resurface unexpectedly—months or even years later.
The Emotional Landscape of Perinatal Grief
There is no single way to grieve a perinatal loss. People may experience sadness, anger, guilt, longing, numbness, envy, anxiety, or a deep sense of emptiness. Some feel disconnected from their bodies or struggle with trust and safety afterward.
These responses are not signs of pathology—they are natural responses to profound loss.
Healing After Perinatal Loss
Healing does not mean forgetting, replacing, or “moving on” from your baby. Healing means learning how to live with the loss while gradually restoring a sense of meaning, safety, and connection.
1. Allowing Grief to Exist
Grief does not follow a timeline. Allowing space for your emotions—without judgment or urgency—can be an important act of care. Many people find relief when their grief is named, witnessed, and honored.
2. Honoring the Baby and the Bond
Rituals of remembrance can help integrate loss in a meaningful way. This might include naming the baby, creating a private ritual, writing letters, marking anniversaries, or holding space for remembrance in your own way.
There is no “right” way to remember—only what feels true to you.
3. Understanding the Impact on the Body
Perinatal loss is often held in the body as well as the heart. Trauma responses such as anxiety, numbness, hypervigilance, or shutdown are common. Gentle, trauma-informed approaches that support nervous system regulation can be deeply healing.
4. Seeking Compassionate Support
Grief after perinatal loss is not something you are meant to carry alone. Support from trusted people, grief-informed therapists, or perinatal loss support groups can help reduce isolation and provide validation.
Therapy can offer a space where your grief does not need to be explained, minimized, or fixed.
Therapy and Perinatal Loss
Therapy after perinatal loss often focuses on creating safety, honoring the loss, and supporting the nervous system through grief and trauma. Attachment-based, somatic, and trauma-informed therapies can help individuals and couples process loss at a pace that feels respectful and contained.
Therapy may also support:
Navigating triggers and anniversaries
Addressing guilt or self-blame
Reconnecting with the body
Supporting relationships impacted by grief
Holding hope alongside loss
Moving Forward, Gently
Life after perinatal loss is often forever changed. Healing does not erase grief—but it can make space for moments of connection, meaning, and even joy to coexist with sorrow.